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I have someone in my life that always "irks" me. It started off as a brief dating experience which I ended after discovering he has an addiction problem (drugs and alcohol) and I have a tendency to attract addicts.
We've stayed in touch since then and are both involved in the same organization so I can't ever totally escape seeing and/or dealing with him.
He just wrote me a long and hurtful email lashing out at me and once again claiming he has no idea why I ended things with him in the first place and telling me to leave him alone.
My ego wants to fire back and defend myself and remind him of why I chose not to get involved but my spiritual side realizes that isn't so helpful.
I don't know what to do and can't understand why this has been on my mind so much all week, why I can't just let it go and hand it over to God.
Any advice or other ways of looking at this would be very helpful-
We've stayed in touch since then and are both involved in the same organization so I can't ever totally escape seeing and/or dealing with him.
He just wrote me a long and hurtful email lashing out at me and once again claiming he has no idea why I ended things with him in the first place and telling me to leave him alone.
My ego wants to fire back and defend myself and remind him of why I chose not to get involved but my spiritual side realizes that isn't so helpful.
I don't know what to do and can't understand why this has been on my mind so much all week, why I can't just let it go and hand it over to God.
Any advice or other ways of looking at this would be very helpful-
posted by:
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New York City
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Re: How to handle this...
Fri, September 8, 2006 - 10:43 AMDear Lawrence,
When I first started ACIM I thought the idea that "God would bring the people I needed into my life" meant that kind, loving, helpful people would show up. (OK, there have been a few of those.) But really the "people you need" are the ones that piss you off. They're doing something that you think is real - otherwise, why would it bug you so much? - and that "thing" is what you need to give to God. You don't even have to know it's unreal - if you did already, it wouldn't be a problem for you. You just have to say to the Holy Spirit, "This really seems real and hurtful, but I'm willing to question that. I'm willing to raise it to doubt." Then let it go.
:)
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Unsu...
Re: How to handle this...
Fri, September 8, 2006 - 11:02 AMHI Lawrence, I also go with A Course In Miracles and practice using it as much as I can. One of the things I use to help me with certain people is what Marianne Williamson used. She recited a mantra over and over until she felt better. It goes like this..."I forgive you_____
and I release you to the Holy Spirit" Just keep repeating over and over until you get some relief in the moment. You may have to say it again down the road but it does work to heal the intense feelings you are feeling.
Good Luck
Sherri -
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Re: How to handle this...
Fri, September 8, 2006 - 11:32 AMHow about simply "I bless you and release you."
There are some lesson you don't really want to get right now.
Remember, HS always gives gentle gifts, not drama gifts.
So if there's a lesson, choose the easy and joyful one,
not the difficulrt and painful one. Please, for your own sanity--
and his-- be a joyful learner/teacher. -
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Re: How to handle this...
Fri, September 8, 2006 - 4:29 PMThank you all. I am struggling with what to do..I had written a very long email that was attacking so I revised it but it is still me trying to appear "right" and telling him what I find wrong with him. I am asking for help, and not reacting until I feel good about it. I suppose the best thing to do is to just forgive him and look past what I perceive to be the "wrong" he committed..I'm still trying to grasp the idea of this all.
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Re: How to handle this...
Sat, September 9, 2006 - 9:36 AMI can sympathize with your situation - it sounds painful and hard to deal with.
Another possibility that I find helpful - ACIM states that the communications we make, are either expressions of love, or cries for help. What comes across as an attack, is a cry for help.
That email that comes across as an attack, sounds like a cry for help, and sounds like it is covering a lot of pain.
I find that, if I can make an effort to sympathize with the pain and cry for help, it helps me realize that I am not being attacked. When I can feel sympathy, I don't feel attacked.
I'm talking here about an inner shift in my own feelings. It is tricky to communicate that to another without sounding pitying or condescending. I do find that, before I make that internal shift to sympathy, it's not really safe for me to say anything that won't sound like a counterattack. -
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Re: How to handle this...
Sat, September 9, 2006 - 9:40 AMThat is an excellent point. The miracle can be a shift in one's perception, to perceive love instead of fear or attack, to see this person through God's eyes rather than through my own ego-based eyes. That is the challenge here but slowly I find my anger is dissipating and fortunately I've not responded to him yet because it would be based in anger and trying to hurt him back and I don't want to do that. -
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Re: How to handle this...
Wed, September 13, 2006 - 9:23 AMUpdate: I waited to respond to this person until I prayed on it and asked for help and tried to see him through God's eyes..he responded pretty well and we've resumed communication, much more positive now. I know I will never approach him the same way again and am very grateful for the transformation. -
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Re: How to handle this...
Wed, September 13, 2006 - 11:22 AMI'm reminded of a song Jack and Layle Luckett
used to teach when they were "on the road"
"I see the Love of God in you,
The light of Chist comes shining through,
And I am blessed to be with you,
Oh Holy Child of God."
If we can look into the eyes of another
with this in mind... well its truly remarkable. -
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Re: How to handle this...
Sat, September 23, 2006 - 7:55 AMWell put Mark.
I've been working on this more and more, resisting my ego's temptation to defend and attack and see others as "bad". It isn't easy but just the awareness helps and is a first baby step.
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Re: How to handle this...
Sat, September 23, 2006 - 8:47 PMI loved reading this post. These are the things that remind me to let go of my attatchment to the ego. I especially liked the part about allowing the gentle lessons. I'm a bit addicted to the drama lessons.
Thank you all!
