I hope things are better between you and your husband now that a couple of days have passed...

This kind of thing is a tough one. Marriages can be difficult at times. I live with my boyfriend, we don't always see eye to eye, sometimes I hurt his feelings if I'm not careful. I'd like him to be tougher. But I am also to blame when I say something that hurts his feelings.

The lessons I'm on this week in the Course have to do with holding grievances. So as long as we are holding a grievance against someone we are not free. We are holding ourselves and the others we know back, if we are resenting them in any way.

In the lesson we are told to say:

"Love holds no grievances.
When I let all my grievances go
I will know I am perfectly safe."

And if any thought of grievance arises against anyone, physically present or not, say:

"Love holds no grievances
Let me not betray my Self."

And further:

"If I hold this grievance the light of the world will be hidden from me."

All our relationships become an opportunity to explore this addiction to grievances and bitter feelings that we seem to have. But especially the ones with the people we live with and spend a lot of time with.

See if you can move beyond your grievances. He may not be taking that approach, but you can. The Course is meant to help us. Especially in our relationships with each other. Be grateful we have the tools available, and use your occasional *horn butting* as an opportunity for seeing things differently. :-)

My response comes from a mixture of time spent around Adyashanti and Jon Bernie, coupled with teaching from my mentor -- NVC trainer John Kinyon. To me it seems that I need to stop and feel my own feelings at those moments....to remain open and loving to myself. In the midst of the thought-storm I try to put attention into my body and ask myself "And what are you feeling now?" then "And why do you feel that?" The intention of the second question is to find the fundamental unmet needs behind what I'm feeling - to see the cause of the feeling as my unmet needs, rather than seeing the other person as the cause. I then sit with the fact of those unment needs. Like "OK - I'm really needing support right now - and that's not happening the way I want. I have a need for support." Maybe I'll recall a time when that need was fully met, remind myself in my body of how that feels. In this way the current unmet need actually leads me to re-inhabit a time when the need was met. The unmet need leads me, in a strange way, to suddenly be meeting it. All this happens independent of the actions of the other person (probably my girlfriend!). My mentor once suggested doing this practice for 30 seconds or so many times a day - he's found it to lead to a great deal of self-connection and presence.

I also like Jon Bernie's words "emotions are just like weather" and Adya's words about watching the emotion closely and you may see it transform to something else. I did this once on retreat with him and found rage transform through a variety of other emotions to end in laughter.

Wishing you well, Newt